My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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