I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
