How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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