is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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