I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
