you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
