Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
