I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
