Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
