We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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