No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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