is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
