don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
