I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize