Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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