I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
