You can't motorboat a personality
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
