You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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