the condom got lost in my hair
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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