OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
