How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
