Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
