I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
