oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
