Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
