can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize