Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
