Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
