I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
