I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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