do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
