4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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