My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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