It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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