are you still at the devil's house?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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