While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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