i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
