I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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