I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
