Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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