we have officially lost it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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