im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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