You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
