barbara walters just said penis...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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