Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize