Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
