I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
