never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
