I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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