will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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