Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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