I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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