I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
