My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
