i just google imaged poop.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
