is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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