i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
