its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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