I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
