im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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