Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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