shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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