it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
