he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
