weddingsv make me drug and hornr
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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