you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
