it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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