how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
