carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
