Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
