Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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