i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
