Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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