Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
