the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
