Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
